Gifted Resource Council
Gifted Resource Council
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What Should I Say When I Don’t Know the Answer?
by Dennis O’Brien

When bright children wonder about things adults take for granted and ask questions we cannot answer, parents may become anxious. Some feel threatened, others guilty about "letting their child down."

Although distressing to parents who believe they should know all the answers, precocious questions are signs of giftedness and should be welcomed and nurtured by parents and teachers alike.

Parents need to keep in mind that "not knowing" is normal and that much good can come from it. Learning to ask and explore good questions is a much more important life skill for children than knowing what we currently consider the correct answers to be.

Here are some ways to help children get the most out of their questions by focusing on the process of learning rather than on the correctness of an answer.

Just say, "I don’t know," when you don’t. A parent who can acknowledge this readily is modeling a healthy self-confidence for children and also communicating that knowing "correct" answers is much less important than many other things, including knowing how to learn.

Expand the focus by asking, "What makes you ask?" Asking about what prompted a question gives your child an opportunity to describe the context of the question and for you to understand how your child thinks.

Help your child explore the issue by asking, "What do you think?" Show interest in what your child says and ask follow-up questions to help clarify facts and reasoning. This "non-directive" style is utilized by the best teachers because it fosters both creative and analytical thinking.

If your child has a serious interest in a query, encourage further investigation. How might your child explore his or her question? What resources could he use? Encourage your child to use primary, up-to-date sources, including field research, interviews and the Internet.

Try to help your child avoid the dead-end of "why questions" and translate them into the much more useful — and usually answerable — reportorial questions involving "what, how, where, when and who."

Don’t turn every situation into a learning experience. Sometimes a question deserves a simple, direct answer, especially when it concerns your own actions, values or behavior.
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