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How can I help my child’s teacher do the best for my child?
by Dennis O’Brien All parents of gifted children face this question. Some parents find ways to be proactive about enlisting support from teachers. On the other hand, some parents manage to alienate the very teacher whose support they want to enlist. Pointing out the obvious ("My child is gifted."), confronting the teacher ("Why aren’t you challenging him more?") or making demands ("Can’t you give him special assignments?) are sure to backfire. It’s all in the approach. Here are some strategies that will help parents be proactive, positive and—more often than not—effective in their efforts to help a teacher do the best for their gifted child. Collaborate with the Teacher • Try to understand the teacher’s situation before you do anything else. She’s got twenty-something children to deal with at once, many of them at different levels and with different needs. She’s trying hard, but her focus is pulled in many different directions. "Reading levels in a typical classroom now span 10 years, ranging from those that are reading well below grade level to those that are advanced readers," said Sally Reis, principal investigator for the federally funded National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented. The underfunded No Child Left Behind legislation and the Missouri Assessment Program make remediation a top priority in many schools and classrooms, whether this is acknowledged or not. It’s a serious problem, and blaming the teacher won’t get your child the support he needs and deserves. • Assume that the teacher wants what’s best for your child. No one becomes a teacher who doesn’t care about children and want what’s best for every one of them. She’s not there to make it hard for your child or to ignore your child’s needs. Her resources are stretched to the breaking point with the demands she faces on a daily basis, and sometimes it is easier to let the good students fend for themselves, even if they are bored and unchallenged. • Align with the teacher. Let her know you recognize the problem from her perspective. Ask what you can do to help her try to meet all these needs, including those of your child. Listen to her ideas, and encourage her to try them. Then ask if she would want to hear some suggestions about ideas that seem to have worked for other teachers trying to work with gifted children in the regular classroom. If so, offer to gather some resources or ideas for her. If she is not interested in hearing more about this from you, thank her for all she is doing for your child and ask if you can check back in a month or six weeks to compare notes about how things are going. • Prepare a list of your child’s character traits, interests and learning style for various subjects. Include strengths and weaknesses. Describe strategies that have worked well with your child in the past, as well as some that have not worked so well. Tell the teacher that you have prepared this in case it might be helpful to her. Hand her a copy and offer to talk about it if she would like. The important thing here is to convey a genuine sense of wanting to help her with a difficult job. Avoid anything that seems to suggest that you have all the answers or that other teachers have done it better. Think collaboration. • Volunteer to help with other children, especially those who might need remediation. If you volunteer in the classroom, you will make it easier for the teacher to attend to the needs of other children, including but not limited to your child. • Offer to help in other ways if you can’t spend time at school. Would the teacher like help cutting shapes, making phone calls, picking up supplies, organizing events or recruiting special guests for the class? • Offer the teacher resources. Gifted Resource Council has a lending library of books that can be helpful. For example, Teaching Gifted Kids in the Regular Classroom, by Susan Winebrenner, is full of helpful strategies for the classroom teacher. You might consider purchasing this book yourself and offering it to the teacher for the school’s educational library. The GRC Web site also offers links to resources for teachers, including many lesson plans and activities. These can be found on the For Instructors Only section of the Web site. For example, Education World provides teachers with lesson plans in every subject area and provides updates on a monthly basis for new sites. What To Do on the Home Front • Help your child fit in. Make it clear to your child that, no matter how bored he might be, you expect him to cooperate with the teacher, to relate well to classmates, and to not call attention to himself. Many academically talented children show off, put other children down, or make a big deal of their boredom with work that comes easily to them but not to others. This alienates classmates and teachers. It also makes it difficult for your child to develop the healthy social relationships and skills he will need to succeed in life. • Coach your child. Talk to your child about how he can approach the teacher in a constructive way. He could talk about his eagerness to learn by going beyond the regular assignments for the class. Could he work out an arrangement with the teacher to do some special projects? Role-play with your child until you are comfortable he can handle this in a constructive, non-confrontational way. • Be patient yourself. If you find yourself growing impatient, remind yourself to look at the situation through the eyes of the teacher. Any displays of impatience or disapproval of the teacher will empower your child to act disrepectfully himself. That will only make things worse. Parents who utilize strategies like these stand the best chance of helping their child’s teacher do the best for their child. Respecting the teacher, while offering what assistance you can, will generate the respect and support you want for your child. It’s a two-way street. For more information regarding Gifted Resource Council, please call the GRC office at 314-962-5920. |
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