|
Should I Use the Label "Gifted" With My Child?
by Dennis O’Brien Sure—so long as you don’t buy into it too much yourself and let it get in the way of you being your child’s parent rather than his publicist, apologist or peer. If your child struggled to learn because of dyslexia, you would want her to know why learning was harder so that she would not think she was not as smart as her classmates. Giftedness is another special designation (or label) your child needs to know about so she can learn to adapt to it and utilize some of the advantages it offers. Gifted children are an at-risk population. While learning comes easier for some, many other things—often including success in school, social relationships, character development and career success—can be more difficult. Many underachieve, drop out of school or fail to establish fulfilling social relationships. It all depends on how the giftedness label is handled by you, your child and her school environment. So, yes, you do need to let your child know that he has a learning style and pace that many of his peers do not share. What’s most important is to do so in a way that helps your child connect with other children, rather than creating unnecessary and unhealthy separation from peers. It is also important to help your child develop the character traits that can make for success in life. Here are some suggestions. Be matter-of-fact when you talk to your child. Your child needs to understand that she has some intellectual gifts that make many types of learning easier for her than they are for many other students. This does not make her a better person or predestined for more success than others who may need more repetition or instruction—and, by struggling to advance, learn to be more determined in the pursuit of their goals than students to whom academic learning comes easily. If anything, it means your child needs to find additional ways to challenge herself, to do more and to learn more. Don’t make too much of your child’s intellectual ability. Way too many parents of gifted children get caught up themselves with how quickly their child learns and forget that their child is a child. This can have some unfortunate results. In some cases, the child can have too much power about decisions affecting his own and his family’s life. It is important to remind yourself frequently that gifted children are still children: they need boundaries and limits; they need guidance to grow emotionally and make good decisions; they need encouragement and support to do the things that do not come easily for them. "Knowing that a child is gifted should increase parental awareness of their child’s social as well as academic needs," said Dr. Agnes Meyo, a psychologist specializing in gifted children. Put it in context. In many schools, giftedness is relatively rare. If this is the case, you may need to help your child establish friendships and develop patience with others who do not catch on as quickly. He may also need encouragement and some coaching about how to deal with teachers who are not inclined to adjust the curriculum to accommodate a highly talented student. "Let your child know that you value intelligence and reinforce efforts toward academic achievement," Meyo said. "Then help her find ways to succeed in her specific academic environment—even if it means dealing with a teacher who does not understand the best ways to engage gifted students." On the other hand, in some smaller, college preparatory independent schools, there may be many gifted students, and your gifted child may not stand out at all. These schools admit academically talented children and are geared to developing their strengths. If this is the case, your gifted child may not be at the top of the class, and you may need to encourage him to keep working hard. You may need to let him know that his school is different than many other schools, because his classmates are being challenged to learn material faster and in more depth than students are at other schools. Promote healthy values. Let your child know clearly that you want her to establish friendships with her peers. Let her know that you value diligence and hard work. That you value patience with others and generosity of spirit. You value cooperation and helping others. For you, character counts, and success in the real world is more about character traits than raw talent. Get beyond the label. Spell out specifically what some of the implications of being gifted are. It may mean that some learning comes faster, but your child may be at risk for boredom. Or, because some things come so easily, a gifted child may avoid challenges she cannot quickly excel at. You may need to coach your child in ways of behaving that do not reflect a false superiority over others who may not be as academically talented. Help your child identify some special goals to pursue. Being gifted should offer your child opportunities to excel academically, to pursue personal passions, or to assume leadership positions among peers. Talk with your child about what appropriate goals would be, and plan specific ways to pursue them in ways that develop positive character traits and interpersonal skills. In short, the real issue isn’t whether or not to use the word "gifted" when talking to your child. The important thing is to help your child develop as a healthy, well-rounded individual with friends, academic skills and positive character traits. Using the word should be shorthand for “someone with special challenges, abilities and responsibilities. Bottom line: teach your child to use "giftedness" as a special personal gift, a challenge and an opportunity to give to others. For more information regarding Gifted Resource Council, please call the GRC office at 314-962-5920 or e-mail us at: info@giftedresourcecouncil.org. |
GRC Resources
Articles Kid Links For Instructors Only! Family Resources |
|
 |
 |
 |
